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Posts Tagged ‘the ’70s were terrible’

Journey Cover Band “Probably Not Responsible” For Bee Swarm

Authorities are still trying to determine the exact cause of a bee attack at Northern California’s Alameda County Fair Friday night, but insisted that Journey tribute band Evolution was likely not the culprit.

Although fair officials believe the incident, in which at least 100 people were stung, many multiple times, was caused by a nearby bee colony angered by Friday night’s fireworks show, they were quick not to point fingers at the Journey cover band.

“All of a sudden, you just felt this horrible pain,” victim Linda Perez told KTVU News, referring not to the music of Journey, but to the physical sensation of angry bees attacking her exposed face, arms and legs.

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“Harry’s boss is coming for dinner and I ran out of food!”

It needs to be pointed out, however, that Harry’s Boss is a) a dog, and b) in possession of a non-functioning mouth. How does he even eat? It’s a mystery even to him.

Fortunately for Harriet — who is also a dog — the neighbors (dogs, natch) always keep metric fucktons of Gravy Train on hand… and don’t worry about Harry’s Boss preferring his processed and extruded horse bits served “crunchy dry,” Gravy Train is so kickass that you can add plain water to it and it turns into a goddamn four-star meal at a fancy French joint*, like the kind they got down by the Champ da Leetz! Yeeeeeaaaahhhh!

* — Fancy French dog joint, that is.

PS — Harry got a promotion and is now principal VP in charge of Butt Sniffing at Acme Fireplugs, Inc. Don’t say Gravy Train never did nothin’ for ya, pal.

UPDATE: Somebody just pointed out to me that, from certain angles, “GRAVY TRAIN” on the bag closely resembles “RAW PAIN.” More on this important breaking story as it develops.