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I Guess We Could Always Play Twister

Writer’s block. Like mental constipation: which is a metaphor. For not being able to write, not for not being able to poop. Do not conflate the two things.

The Internet will not help you.

http://tipsonrelievingconstipation.com/tag/writing/

“This is my writing. Plz revising my writing and make it correct, Also if you want , you can add more information.”

This person is mentally constipated. They also require revising and correcting, as well as adding more information. They have no good ideas about how you can relieve your writer’s block, Frankenstein Jones. They would just say: “Plz write moar Franken Stein Jonez, plz add information 2 the Matricks. UR writing blok will open up liek magic.”

They can help you poop. Using yoga.

“Yoga is famous for wellbeing activity now time. When people doing Yoga; there are many effects on here. First, Yoga can lose lots of weight. Current women concentrate Yoga for dieting. Yoga makes you keep balance of your body and this is helpful for your constipation or indigestion. It makes get rid of your surplus fat. Second, Yoga oxygenates the blood and the brain. It is helpful you’re a good memory and make concentrate your work. It also can awake your tired body. So you can achieve your work more effectively and make more activity in your life. Finally, Yoga is really helpful for growth period children. Yoga helps for your bones make strong and improve your flexibility. Also it gives impetus to your muscles. It makes grow up the children. Yoga’s advantages are they are very helpful and you can follow quite easily. Do Yoga and make your life more energetic.”

I have just appropriated an entire blog post from a competing blog in order to defeat constipation. I have done this in the name of free bowel movements in the brain regions of the body, where the words and the nouns and the vowels struggle and groan to pass through tightly clinched psychic sphincters and the porcelain walls of your very keyboard will rumble with the fantastic effort: heaving, striving, purging. It’s an unpretty business, this.

I would like to mention again, at this point, that there is an entire blog devoted to “constipation relief for infants, children and adults,” and that someone does it as a hobby. Unpaid. A constipation enthusiast, as it were. Someone actually does this.

His name is Alan. He’s been studying constipation on an amateur basis for 10 years, and he is almost certainly not watching you masturbate.

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  1. fluorofro
    September 13, 2010 at 10:53

    This:

    How to Good-bye Depression: If You Constrict Anus 100 Times Everyday. Malarkey? or Effective Way?
    http://www.amazon.com/How-Good-bye-Depression-Constrict-Everyday/dp/0595094724/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&s=books&qid=1284400283&sr=8-1

    Fill with power! No more constipation anyplace!! Plus anal fitness, I suppose.

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