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808s and Heartbreak

The gist is that in Japan, there are these virtual girlfriend games where you pretend you are a 17-year-old high school student and you try to get a girlfriend. And then once you get one, you have to take care of her, sort of like a Tamagotchi, except instead of feeding her food pellets and ordering her to poop every six hours, you take her to the virtual mall a lot and compliment her virtual shoes.

So that exists. And now if you’re one of the guys who plays these games (and apparently there are like a half million of these guys in Japan, according to the sales numbers in this article down here), you can now go to a convention where you will meet other people like you, and their pretend girlfriends. Although you won’t actually meet them, because they’re imaginary. Also? some of these dudes are like 60 years old, and really, really into video game dating 16-year-olds. They’re from Japan so it’s not creepy!

Japan Resort Draws Men With Virtual Girlfriends.

“Saddest thing I’ve read in a while,” says edythemighty, and I don’t think it’s sadder than firemen dying in Chinese oil spills or the cast of Jersey Shore, but it’s up there, I guess; what mostly strikes me about it is how completely unshocking it is. If you told me in 1977, a 12-year-old me, that grown-up Japanese men in the future would be booking trip to vacation resorts to spend time — en masse, as a collective, bonding sort of activity — with make-believe high school girls, I would have demanded you put down the well-thumbed Heinlein volume you were smoking and talk to me about this new thing they got in England, they call it punk rock, because I needed to change the topic before the Think Police came and took us both away to Candyland.

Jiggle TV. That’s all we could come up with back then.  Jiggle TV and Maggie Trudeau.

Konami’s Ishihara stressed that the game has no sexual content.

“The virtual girls can kiss you as a way of communication, but nothing happens when she sleeps next to you at the hotel,” he said. “We have no intention of trying to sell a product with pornographic elements.

“I think Love Plus fans would get offended if somebody tried to disrespect his girlfriend like that.”

Because sleeping in a bed with your iPhone girlfriend is not weird and is definitely totally normal, but wanting to have sex with her is fucking straight out of the question.

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