…you make Worderade. Er. Take photos. Um: find some old pictures and point at them.
I just noticed that I went through a brief HDR phase a couple of years back. I also thought I had an aneurysm or something because “colors looked weird.” I think I was just staring at computer monitors too much, and spending way too much time trying to tweak out-of-sync color profiles and making myself crazy. Because these colors totally still look weird to me.
What in the world made me think any of this was a good idea?
“A lot of them cats are felonious, man.” – Rasheed Wallace, on the subject of NBA referees.
He also reportedly once told a reporter “Some people say I’m mean and this and that. On one hand that’s cool. That keeps away all the riffraff and all the bugaboos.”
I’m thinking: buy. Oh wait. He’s retired? Fuck.
I’m going to blog another blog right now because I need to gross you out some. Here it comes. This comes via Listverse, and this is the item for Copidomopsis floridanum, a type of parasitoid wasp, on their list of the “Top 10 Fratricidal Baby Animals.”
Copidomopsis floridanum is a parasitoid wasp, one of the most extreme examples of fratricide in the world. The adult wasp first finds a caterpillar and stings it, causing it to become completely paralyzed. Then, it injects two eggs into the caterpillar’s body; one of the eggs is male and one of the eggs female. But they don’t give rise to one brother and one sister. Instead, the eggs quickly “clone” themselves, in a process known as polyembryony, and soon the caterpillar is the still living, but completely impotent nursery to 200 male larvae, and over 1,200 female larvae.
Out of these females, around fifty grow larger than their siblings, developing huge jaws but no sexual organs. It was once thought that these “monster larvae” were supposed to be the guardians of their smaller, fertile siblings, which would eat the eggs of any other wasp that could try to inject its brood into the already occupied caterpillar.
However, it is now known that this is not the case; they actually seek and devour as many of their brothers as they can find. The reason they do this is because the male larvae will actually fertilize their sisters while inside the caterpillar, and only one or two males are enough to fertilize all the females. Therefore, by eliminating the surplus of males, the cannibalistic larvae ensure that there will be more food (the unfortunate caterpillar’s body tissues) for their fertile sisters, boosting their chances of survival. This is the only function of the cannibalistic larvae, since they are sterile and will never reproduce themselves.
Copidomopsis floridanum is only No. 2 on the list. Go read the rest of it here. Then have some lunch!
I found the brochure above when I was cleaning out my car before I had the guy come and tow it away so they could put a new battery in, make the tires shiny, and auction it off to a recent immigrant at 2-3 three times its actual value (not to my benefit, of course — I was just tired of the parking tickets) and I remember thinking, “Hey, I was in Colorado this one time and I thought this was funny so I grabbed it! Maybe I’ll save it for the day I have an all-in-one printer and a blog and a lack of material!”
Well, today’s that day.
But I can’t just let the irony stand on its own. Because I have questions, and they are, in roughly this order:
1. Why are Velma and Shaggy from Scooby-Doo in this scene? And where did Wilford Brimley come from?
2. Even if one chooses to believe that these are completely original characters not based on cartoon shows from your childhood, I don’t understand how they all fit together:
2a. WHOSE family? WHAT KIND of fun? I don’t like where this is going. Can you see where this is going?
3. Cats Are Not Purple.
4. Why are the little boy and the dog leering at each other? Why does the hippie wear his glasses over his hair? Who matches two shades of teal like that?
5. I am pretty sure Professor Salty’s eyes are fixated on the redhead’s rack, or what there is of it. Draw an arrow; see for yourself.
6. How are these people related? (see 2 and 2a). Why are cats? Who is up? What happens to when?
Focus on the Family, by the way, is that wonderful group that complains to the media every time something un-Christian-like happens in the world. Like right now they’re real mad at Brad and Angelina, because they dress up their 4-year-old girl like a tomboy.
“I was shocked,” the group’s spokesman, Glenn Stanton, told US Magazine. “I thought ‘What in the world are these parents thinking?’ It’s very possible they are living in a fantasy world, where gender is only an appearance. If so, it’s a very anemic view of what gender really is.”
I will repeat: CATS ARE NEVER PURPLE, Glenn Stanton.
I would just like to point out that it doesn’t say anything on that sign about alcohol.
In other news:
Please tell me more, Amazon.com…
(PS: the “fresh whole rabbit”? It comes to you packed in a tin can.
“Rabbit meat is lightly flavored and has a nutty aftertaste that is unique to this animal. It is a low fat meat, low in cholesterol, and a nutritious source of proteins. Excellent with a mustard sauce or stewed slowly with onions.”
It is currently only the 44th most popular exotic meat product sold through Amazon, however.)
If anyone asks now, I was a baseball fan my whole life, but I only lived and breathed one sport until I hit puberty and that was: football. National goddamn Football League football, none of this pansy ass collegiate shit, either. Sunday mornings in the fall were like waking up and remembering I was going to Disneyland; every Sunday for four months, three games: one on NBC, one on CBS, and the two networks swapped weekends carrying the third game.
You got to channel swap for one game and for the other one you were stuck with whatever you got, which is still how it works now, except there was no cable and no Sunday night game and no NFL network. And if you missed the highlights, you waited until Monday night when Howard Cosell would run them down at halftime of MNF: “Los ANGELES MemORIAL COLisEUM. The Rams. The Vikings. A MIGHTY TUSSLE ENSUED.”
Sunday mornings I’d wake up and eat bacon and biscuits drenched with little pools of melted butter. Pre-game ritual. Then I’d geek out for the next six hours. When there weren’t games on, I’d geek out anyway. I made my own Rams uniform once. I paired my awesome replica Merlin Olsen jersey with a pair of “football pants” — grey trousers that I had repurposed by stapling cardboard inside to simulate protective padding — and my Rams helmet. I think I also had some shoulder pads. I would wear this shit around the house and tackle chairs and whatnot. I was kind of crazy.
I collected football cards, which were never as popular as baseball cards but were sort of grimly fascinating all the same, given that most of the guys playing pro football in the ’70s looked like Charles Manson’s younger, scruffier brothers, but my real peripheral passion was Electric Football.