Home > Food > The Things a Man Will Do To Feed His Dog

The Things a Man Will Do To Feed His Dog

“I’m Chicken John and this is my dog Darnit.”

Oh 1999, the secrets you hid sometimes come back to haunt you. I can’t say enough about that bowtie, either. I believe Chicken bought it off a special “worn once by Harry Anderson” Night Court prop auction.

I used to live near that former Planet Hollywood location in San Francisco, by the way. It was like a monument to sadness, somewhere you threatened to take your kids when they were behaving like assholes. There was no Apple Store across the street yet, so the only street traffic tended to be bums on their way to piss on the doormen at FAO Schwartz down the street. The food was terrible and the place smelled like Arnold Schwarznegger.

The only restaurant locations of that snakebit company still open are in places like Las Vegas and the Deep South, where the scent of second-hand fame produces Pavlovian yelps in the walk-by crowd, and Guam, where cooked food is otherwise prohibited by law. Their Vegas casino unit continues to operate continuously, losing money at a near-record clip. Even old Strip veterans who have seen everything under the sun at least once (and spit on it the first time around) shake their heads in wonder and shame when they walk past Planet Hollywood. Or drive. Only fools and crazy people walk around in Vegas in the summertime.

The old San Francisco branch is now something called “Ferrari Store,” which is an even stupider concept and will lose even more money. Chicken, get on the phone…

Full ridiculous clip after the jump.

  1. Marc
    September 6, 2010 at 21:46

    I like how Chicken really enunciates all his consonants.

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