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Joke, Diagrammed

From a mailing list, where I expand upon the idea of lying about people to create comedy. It’s true, by the way; you can make everything funnier simply by fabricating and inserting random bullshit into any conversation.

This is also how you get from the Mael Brothers to Pink Floyd to The J. Geils Band in two easy steps, made that much easier by the fact that The J. Geils Band is funny in every possible context you can articulate:

‘Well, it’s a two-pronged joke, you see, relying on the non-identical twin comedy precepts of … I’ll use the technical term here … “making shit up.” (editor’s note: here I forgot that “twin comedy precepts” should actually involve two of them) I can outline this process for you using words, and if I’m still not making myself clear (because of this terrible heat) I can create a Venn Diagram that will explain everything.

1. The first part being that [Name Redacted] is a huge fan of prog rock. I do not know that this is true, but it’s personally amusing to me to think so. He played some Traffic on my iPod once when I threw it at him in a car and demanded that he make music play out of it. Then he didn’t do it right and no music happened and he got very flustered so I had to rip it out of his hands and make Traffic (which he was trying to select) come out of the speakers, after which he seemed to calm down some and his attention turned toward observing and collecting rock specimens. So I can only assume that “Name Redacted loves prog rock” from this highly inconclusive incident which did not actually involve a) prog rock or b) loving a thing.

2. The second part being that the kind of prog rock that Name Redacted loves is Kansas and possibly Toto, if we’re willing to drag him that far into the hole.

3. We can make this go even further by claiming that a) the prog rock realm extends to The J. Geils Band, and furthermore is prog rock because b[1]) Name Redacted claims it is so or b[2]) anything Name Redacted loves must deductively be prog rock; or we can whisk straight past that to c) loving The J. Geils Band is kind of hilarious in the year 2010 so fuck all the other letters up there. We could segue into Gerry Rafferty here but I think we’ll store that ammunition safely back in the footlocker.

4. Name Redacted is my brother. I do not wish to harm him or see harm come to him in any way. Please do not repeat this experiment without Gold Clearance from the Sector Three Marketing Team.’

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