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Weird Scenes Inside The Brain Parts

I’m driving very slowly somewhere, and I need to get Aerosmith to their gig on time. No, wait. I’m driving very quickly, going up a hill, but I can’t see the road in front of me (because of the steep angle of the incline) so I sort of have to guess where I am. It’s ok, I’ve done this road many times and I zip around cars and steer my way around curves by feel. I can handle this.

I have my camera, but I don’t have my wife. Where is my wife? She’s at another club. Why are we out at different clubs? What sort of club? I think I might be the DJ.

People are going to Burning Man. I’m not, but I have something important to give them or tell them. I’m waving my arms around but they’re not listening to me. I’m eating a peach, and I don’t even like peaches. I don’t want to go to Burning Man and I don’t have $300. But I have a pass of some sort in case I need it.

I’m driving very slowly again. I’m back at the club. I do a thing with my camera and then I go to Burning Man and drop off my camera and my overcoat. I have to think about this very carefully later on because I’m pretty sure I just left my camera out in the street, and I would like it to be there when I come back for it. I’m going to worry about this for the entire remainder of this story.

I’m in the club. It’s really just a bar with an elevated platform on one end that serves as some kind of stage for live entertainment. Aerosmith is here! Normally this would upset me. They’re going onstage as special guests. Following me, I think. Except now they’re the New York Dolls, because Joe Perry was never this faggy. So I’m watching the New York Dolls perform an unexpected gig at my favorite club, which is actually a bar I’ve never been to before.

Where is my camera?

And where is Gene Simmons?, I suddenly wonder aloud, and there he is, an instead of playing a normal bass, his arms are musical instruments, and he waves them around like Doc Oct from the Spider-man movie, and bass-thumping noises come out of his guitar-tentacles when he moves them about. And suddenly KISS is the band, and then some shaggy guy gets up on stage and announces that he’d like to play a few songs and I think it might be Bob Ross, the dead painter from the PBS shows (“happy trees!”) and the singer and guitarist confer (nobody asks Octopus Gene Simmons what he thinks) and the guitarist says we’ll play ONE (holding up one finger) and segue into THREE (three fingers) but we have got to play the one with the guitar solo and then we’ll leave OK.

So I’m worried about my camera. The band finishes and because no one wants to see Bob Ross, everyone has moved to the other side of this place and is drinking, and I am the only one applauding and I keep clapping my hands until everyone else remembers that something was going on and the place is rolling with cheers, and then the band slips out the door, and I follow them, because I’ve got to take care of this whole camera business!

It’s bright daylight. Somehow this went all night. I’m really worried now. I get in my car and notice that the band has jumped into the Mystery Machine from Scooby Doo and is driving away at high speeds. I get in my car and go the opposite direction, toward home. The place is covered in deep film noir shadows and horizontal lines of sunlight from sunlight are filtering in through the blinds and cutting through a thick haze and I fumble around on a dresser and there’s a crumpled ticket and it says “2008 Preview Sale” and this will get me into Burning Man so I can find out about my camera, so I grab it and head for the door. I need to pick up my wife but there’s no time, I’ll have to get her on the way back.

I drive slowly through a generic downtown scene, surrounded by electric cars and people on Vespa scooters. I’m driving the wrong way on a one-way street. I might be in San Jose, but it could be Walnut Creek or even San Rafael. It could be anywhere with stoplights. Where is my camera? Why won’t people drive faster?

Why did Gene Simmons have all those bass guitars on his arms? The really weird part is that he had three arms, now that I think about it.

I wake up to the smell of bacon. Here in the actual.

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