Home > Food > First I Cook, Then I Chill

First I Cook, Then I Chill

I feel it must be time. I feel it it’s about to happen, and it’s happening right now. Just alerting you to this situation, baby. ‘Cause here it comes, and it’s too late to hide from it.

Aw yeah, you know what I’m talking about. You know what I like: Breyer’s Extra Creamy Smooth & Dreamy No Sugar Added and 1/2 the Fat Vanilla Ice Cream, that’s what I like. Sizzle, baby. It’s time to open the freezer. And that ain’t no metaphor, doll.

Why you looking at me like that, sweet thing? It’s simply delicious and satisfying, no-sugar-added, reduced-fat vanilla ice cream, and it only has 90 calories and 4 grams of fat per serving! It says so right on the package. Take a walk on the wild side, Irene.

Ain’t no crime.

Aw, don’t get all mad. Come on and take a ride with me, little girl. Take a ride on the Extra Creamy Smooth & Dreamy No Sugar Added express. ‘Cause that’s where I’m goin’. And nobody gonna stop me.

Your mama can’t stop me.

Your daddy can’t stop me.

Nobody can stop me. Unh uh. Don’t need no sugar. I got high blood glucose counts, woman. Do you hear me now?

But…maybe tonight’s the night. Maybe I get extra crazy tonight. Maybe I add a dessert topping to the mix. Maybe even…strawberry preserves? Do I frighten you? They’re organic, baby. Organic.

Come on down here, strap your hands cross my engines. We’re goin’ down… to Hedonism Town. And we ain’t never coming back. Awww yeah.

Hear that sound, girlfriend? That sound is freedom. Remember it. And wipe that damn ice cream off your chin.

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  1. August 10, 2010 at 12:07

    This sounds like the sultry strains of a diabetic crooning…

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