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Up Your Nose With a Rubber Garden Irrigation Conduit

Dear Mr. Kotter,

Epstein could not write a post for his blog today on account of Epstein was busy taking soup to the little old ladies who live down at the senior’s citizen and cannot get their own soup. Therefore he did not have time to write a post, not even one that upsets the food blogging people. Next week, Epstein will make up for this oversight by pissing off some Canadians.

Although Epstein did not write a post for his blog, he did watch this terrific parody of Fight Club as if it were written by Jane Austen, and also he tried to make a baby. Erps, never mind that last part, Epstein doesn’t even have a girlfriend! Dinner was grilled BBQ chicken and sweet corn on the cob. Epstein enjoyed the corn quite a lot!

Also, Mr. Kotter, please tell Barbarino he can’t have no ‘iPad’ because it’s 1978 and it ain’t been invented yet. Epstein promises to explain the whole mise en ecene — and tie it into the wildly flowering Apple/Google rift that promises to suck us all into a corporate apocalypse (morelike “aSUCKalypse” amirite?!?) that eventually leads to that bleak, dystopian future we’ve been waiting for as long as we’ve been waiting for jetpacks — in a special paper which he will write tomorrow on the bus on the way to school, and then stuff up his ass and blow it out your ear.

Oh dear, Epstein has the Tourette’s. Sorry for this going on so long, Mr. Kotter. BTW, Epstein saw you on the late night poker show the other night and he says you definitely look better with a mustache.

Signed,

Epstein’s Mother

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