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Mystery Objects

There are roughly two kinds of mornings in my world. The first kind is sort of mundanely alright and you get to check your email, drink coffee and eat a 110-calorie bagel, and the second kind is where you can’t stop thinking about what in the world made you shave a mustache into your facial hair the last time you picked up a razor.

Today was the latter kind.

And then a website helpfully analyzed my writings and informed me that my writings were most similar to the writings of David Foster Wallace.

I immediately responded to this outrage by filing a 1,300-page counterclaim, heavily footnoted, interlaced with tennis anecdotes.

It could be worse. The site thinks Michelle Malkin writes like Dan Brown.

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