Home > Everything Else > Things Abe Lincoln Probably Never Said For 100, Alex…

Things Abe Lincoln Probably Never Said For 100, Alex…

So I’m back from a quick trip to the desert, which is where you do recreatin’, and I’ve picked up some kind of flu virus, probably cattle-borne and likely fatal, but you never know. My stomach hurts and I’m sleepy. Also: sore throat.

The main thing is that I flip the TV on right before I close my eyes and take another nap, and in some background part of my brain I can hear Bonnie Hunt going on about some kind of emotionally distraught Bonnie Hunt stuff, and survivors, and the bible, and. Drift forward. You’re stuck in baby-mama mid-afternoon TV hell and you’re not getting out of it, because the remote is an inch further away from you than your arm can reach.

So. Some kind of commercial for Huggie’s “Designer Diapers” comes on, and then this happens:

When it is a Number Two
I look like Number One
I poop in blue

This will live with you forever, you think, daring yourself to fall back asleep.

Outside, the postman continues to make his lonely rounds, but not for you.

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